Lynne Stevens
Ready, set, go!
The holiday season is right here, right now and I feel like the year has sped by unbelievably fast. Christmas decorations were in stores before Halloween and Thanksgiving. When we wait to put up our holiday decorations, it tends to make them more special. Why the rush? Waiting seems to be a trait we don’t honor like we used to. So much of what is advertised is instant gratification, and nothing is more instantly gratifying than computer games and “clickbait” advertising – scientifically designed to keep you on your screen as long as possible.
The other day, my husband and I were at a restaurant and a family of five sat down by us. The kids were very well behaved, but – other than likely negotiating what they wanted to order – hardly spoke a word. The expectation of normal family conversation was quickly dispelled. The kids were non-stop on their phones and the parents were showing each other things they had on their phones.
It seemed odd to me that they were not talking to each other very much. The kids had their heads down, looking at the screen. When the food came, there was more conversation but still the older two were eating and on the phones.
This is such a common occurrence that it should be of no concern and particularly not worth my observation, but as a retired behavior analyst, observation is my wheelhouse.
Did you know behavioral researchers believe that texts and phone conversations omit a crucial part of the way we fully communicate with each other? Spending much of our communication with friends via texting is done without the other person seeing our body language. Normally, up to 70% of our communication is done by the other person seeing and interpreting our body language (everydayspeech.com). Our facial expressions convey emotions and subtle messages an emoji cannot. Full-body language can confirm what we are saying and other signals might contradict what we are saying.
Interpretation of body language is learned from birth. If you are looking to make a point with one of your friends – or the boss at work – open arms and eye contact invite participation.
Isn’t this just psycho babble? I guess so – if you exclude the scientific studies that reinforce there is a direct link between cell phones, and anxiety and depression in teens.
Observations of teens show they tend to pay more attention to the phone than those around them. The lack of real human social connection is socially isolating and the detrimental effects have been widely reported.
We were created as social beings, not digital communicators. Are we straying too far from what our Creator intended?
Perhaps a better path this Christmas season would be to slow down, talk to each other face-to-face and appreciate the full range of how humans were designed to communicate. Everyone will benefit from periods of times without their phones.
Let’s celebrate the season with open arms, heartfelt communication and goodwill to everyone.
Lynne Stevens writes a bi-weekly column for The Graham Star. She can be reached via email, geminga@mailfence.com.