Scott Kamps
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
So goes the saying many of us learned in our youth; but anyone who has lived long enough knows the old adage is far from accurately conveying life’s experience in our world.
There may be a small kernel of truth to the maxim when dealing with verbal insults. Among children, the more a sibling or classmate reacts to teasing, the more the teaser persists. Just think through when one child starts copying everything another child does. If the child being copied reacts negatively, the copier is solidified in their imitations. In this example, it might benefit the child being copied to learn to ignore the taunts of imitation proving our maxim’s helpfulness.
Or consider the art of politics. Anyone in politics – it is well known – needs to have tough skin. Leaders have to make tough decisions and tough decisions are never loved by everyone. They always produce detractors (sometimes rightfully and sometimes not); detractors inevitably produce criticism, and often hurtful words and/or rumors/gossip.
One thing that often separates out the great statesman is the ability to not let such criticism and slander get to them, and thus for them to not retaliate or hold grudges.
Even taking the small kernel of truth in account, the saying still seems to fail the test of true to reality.
The truth is – in most of our experiences – words matter profoundly. Words can cut deeply and cause immense damage, or words can greatly encourage.
A wise man wrote about 3,000 years ago that death and life are in the power of the tongue. That may seem like hyperbole; but upon further reflection, it seems true to reality and our experience.
This same man – a king who had been given great wisdom – also wrote, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). Who hasn’t felt the piercings of false or unkind words? Who hasn’t – usually in anger – rashly (and, hopefully regretfully) said something that caused great pain and damage to another human being?
It truly is impossible to tame our tongues. The tact and wisdom required to say (or tweet) the right things at the right time in the right way in order for our words to bring healing – not simply avoiding harming others is overwhelming if we truly understand how we ought to use the mouths God gave us.
At an elementary level, we all understand that we ought to use our mouths/tongues for good and not evil. But for too many, the standard never gets beyond a list of words that are okay to say and a list of words not to say.
In other words, don’t cuss and you are good.
God’s standard is so much more … and when we understand it, we’ll see our great need for forgiveness and our need for grace to use our tongues to give grace to others.
God help us.
Scott Kamps writes a bi-weekly column for The Graham Star. He can be reached via email, thestableguy@frontier.com.