Scott Kamps
Leo Tolstoy brilliantly described a common reaction in The Death of Ivan Ilyich, when he wrote, “…the mere fact of the death of a near acquaintance aroused, as usual, in all who heard of it the complacent feeling that, ‘it is he who is dead and not I.”
Each one thought or felt, “Well, he’s dead but I’m alive!”
Nothing puts things in perspective like death. The (seeming) finality of death – especially of a loved one – can alternately cause a somber reaction, bringing into focus the real issues of life.
My stepfather died Saturday after battling Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s Disease). Grandpa Dean – as he was affectionately known in my house for the last 10 years – married my mother well after I moved to Robbinsville, so our time with him was limited. He was good to my mother and my kids loved him. Whether it was talking hunting/shooting, taking the kids tubing, or watching football together, he put the “grand” in Grandpa.
He deteriorated quickly from an awful disease, but thankfully was able to die in his chair with his wife and daughter at his side.
Bereavement is painful, but it’s an effective prod to ponder what really matters – and consider your own end. The preacher in Ecclesiastes says, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.”
Whether we feel it or not, we are all “poor dying creatures,” and it’s good to reflect on that reality occasionally.
As a Christian, I reflect on death often, singing about it almost every week at the meeting house – “No guilt in life, no fear in death… From life’s first cry to final breath.”
Or “When my feeble life is o’er, Time for me will be no more; Guide me gently, safely o’er To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.”
Or one of my favorites: “While I draw this fleeting breath, When mine eyes shall close in death, When I soar to worlds unknown, See Thee on Thy judgment throne, Rock of Ages, cleft for me, Let me hide myself in Thee.”
I’m not encouraging anyone to be morbid, but our avoidance of death can have unhealthy consequences – hospitals/nursing homes can make the healthy reflection the preacher in Ecclesiastes refers to difficult. Instead of considering our own inevitable encounter with death, many reject/ignore their own mortality.
It’s irrational – maybe even insane – to not consider the end of your days at times, especially in light of how fleeting life is!
James asks, “What is your life?” and answers, “You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”
Lord, teach us to number our days.
I’m grateful for our time with Grandpa Dean and look forward to seeing him again someday.
Until then, “On Jordan’s stormy banks I stand, and cast a wishful eye to Canaan’s fair and happy land, where my possessions lie.”
Scott Kamps writes a bi-weekly column for The Graham Star. He can be reached via email, thestableguy@frontier.com.