I’m going to get right to the point this week: if you partake in the practice of wearing pajamas in public, you’re canceled.
I will go so far as to say that if you wear pajamas in public, you are a real life Peter Pan.
The only problem is that we live in America, not Never Land.
If you wear pajamas in public -- or are a sympathizer for the cause -- this column is for you.
The first piece of sage advice that I may offer here is that if you are having trouble figuring out where your dignity is, you might try finding it where you left your blue jeans (yes, I said blue jeans; I am not suggesting that we need top hats, monocles, or three-piece suits).
That being said, is it really too much to suggest that you might want to look like you have, -- or at least might -- accomplish more today than eating a bowl of cereal? Have you no shame?
The second golden nugget that I will offer the public is that no one is impressed by your radical individuality.
You may have noticed that those around you are picking up the practice of pajamas in public, thus freeing you of any perceived individuality that you felt like you had earned.
Oh, but you blazed the trail? Good for you. Would you like a participation trophy for the game of life as well?
I recognize that this is certainly not the poignant and kind-hearted prose that my readers have come to expect. Maybe it’s a touch curmudgeonly.
Point taken, I suppose.
Yet, I write this anyway.
The truth is that you often can judge a book by its cover. In fact, you really should start judging books by the cover. The cover of a book is the primary advertisement of said book.
What are you advertising about yourself if your body is clad in frumpy pajamas at the grocery store? There is simply no good reason that can be given for this behavior.
You don’t care what others think? You must be marriage material.
You think pajamas are more comfortable? Couches are also more comfortable than boots. I’m sure you work hard.
To put too fine of a point on this, great men of the past cared greatly about how they were remembered.
Great men understood the power of a good reputation.
They understood the fact that your name and your actions are inseparably tied together. They were diligent, educated, well-dressed and well-mannered. Sure, there are some men who are remembered who were not these things.
Yet these men are what we might call “stains” on the history books. It might be time for us to start taking life a little more seriously and wearing clothes that reflect the fact that we care about something more than our most base desires.
I’m not suggesting here that blue jeans will turn you into George Washington, but at least you won’t be a Peter Pan.
Jeremy Wiggins writes a bi-weekly column for The Graham Star. He can be reached via email, jeremywiggins87@gmail.com.